The Walk of Shame

By definition it's the long walk back to your dorm after a misspent night with a drunken love interest. We've probably all done it, perhaps some of us are still doing it, but does it count as journalism? Is it even interesting enough for an op-ed piece? Apparently Chris Surrette of Fairfield University thought so and the school's paper, The Mirror, agreed with him. Ooops, now they are being sued by the University.

It is clear to me that Chris Surette will not be getting laid for the remainder of his scholastic career at Fairfield University, if he ever did. The writing is horrible and he obviously isn't sure who his audience is as it becomes unclear in paragraph 4 who is actually doing the walk of shame. Allow me to demonstrate using some fabulous quotes:

Paragraph 1: "Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity."

Paragraph 4: "First and foremost, right when you wake up, get out of there. There is nothing worse than the awkward wake up next to a girl, who is not as hot as you thought she was when you were 12 deep the night before."

But he is consistent in letting his audience know that he has the emotional maturity of a rock and is mostly likely still a virgin. I've pasted it below for your reading pleasure as I have a feeling it will not remain online for much longer. You can also check it out online here.

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So after flirting with a young swan at a party, you invite her back to your place and she accepts. The road to pleasure town begins and as Johnny Drama would say, VICTORY!  Congrats boys, not only did you get laid, but you have a great story for the rest of your life.

Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity.

But girls, even though many may consider you a slut after witnessing your glorious Walk of Shame, just realize that you have given this lucky guy a story he can share with others at the Grape for the rest of the year. We ought to thank you for that. And hopefully you got something out of this to … actually, we don’t really care.

But in order to achieve success, we need to understand a few tips of advice to become a champ. First and foremost, right when you wake up, get out of there. There is nothing worse than the awkward wake up next to a girl, who is not as hot as you thought she was when you were 12 deep the night before. Not only that, it is kind of embarrassing when you smile at her and call her Julie, when her name is actually Ashley. Plus you don’t want to find out she’s a stage five clinger because that pounding you gave her last night will turn into a pounding headache for you for the next couple of weeks.

Second, even though you might feel like the man for doing it, make sure you don’t raw dog it.

Let’s be real, we are too young to have a little mini-me running around. I would rather enjoy my college years drinking my face off and having to clean my own vomit, than cleaning the vomit of 16 month infant. Also, if you can’t remember her name, there is a very good chance you don’t know much about the broad. Trust me, you don’t want that hood rat giving you a venereal disease. Not because half are not curable, but the next time you try to bang and that little cutie sees that rash around your genitals, she’s going to be running for the fences. Listen guys, gonorrhea is a serious disease. So don’t be a fool and wrap your tool.

Now if you follow these tips, the next time you do work, you’ll have a tale to tell your buds for years. Remember to be ruthless and have no shame.

We are relying on each other for an entertaining story that is both hilarious and humiliating. Just remember one thing; her walk of shame is an induction into your hall of fame.