Enlightening Questions

Out here in Stepford we have a neighborhood newsletter which ocassionaly provides a few chuckles as well as insight into my neighbors. In the newsletter there is a section for residents to ask questions. In today's "Answer Alley" residents chose to: 1. Passively agressively scold neighbors who do not shovel at the first sight of snow (guilty): Question: I've noticed some of the sidewalks haven't been cleared of snow, whose responsibility is this? Enlightening Answer: The Town Association does snow removal on sidewalks adjacent to common areas only. Residents are responsible for snow removal on the sidewalks adjacent to their lots. 2. Suggest Stepford add gates to increase value and decrease criminal activity. I like the generic reference to "Studies"; gives it a LOT more credibilty. Question: Has Stepford ever considered gating the community. Adding a residents only Gate to Creek Bed and Humphalot, and a public gate to Stepford Drive and Assford Gulch would keep out potential vandals during the late night hours. Obviously the gate could be programmed to remain open during "Rush Hour Times" but the added overnight security might be worth the expense and Cheaper than Police Patrol. Studies Show that gating a community adds to Property Value and decreases crime rates. Enlightening Answer: To date, the known solved vandalism cases in the community have been committed by individuals on foot or on bicycles (including Stepford residents, in some cases). Seriously!! Stepford is a very long and dark 9 miles from downtown which translates to a whole lotta work for a petty criminal when he or she can just victimize the townies. Some days I'm just not sure how long I'll last in Stepford.

Neighbors

The other day I came home and my conspicuous consumer of a neighbor was hosing down his driveway. At this point you are probably going to double check the date of this post to confirm that yes, it is January and yes, there is a lot of snow on the ground. I can think of no reason for hosing down your driveway in the middle of winter other than to create a small skating rink for the neighborhood children. But having interacted with this neighbor 1 too many times, I think he'd be more inclined to spray the children. My only conclusion is that he was melting the snow off his driveway.

The Love List

One Friday I came home and this was taped to the laundry room door. Sweat Pea- Here is my love list to you! 1. I love you because you smell good, even though I call you stinky 2. I love you because you help me through the big scary dishes 3. I love you because you have a circle to follow everywhere--even at home 4. I love you because of how strong you are even when the chips are down. Love, Your Stinky Husband