Enlightening Questions

Out here in Stepford we have a neighborhood newsletter which ocassionaly provides a few chuckles as well as insight into my neighbors. In the newsletter there is a section for residents to ask questions. In today's "Answer Alley" residents chose to: 1. Passively agressively scold neighbors who do not shovel at the first sight of snow (guilty): Question: I've noticed some of the sidewalks haven't been cleared of snow, whose responsibility is this? Enlightening Answer: The Town Association does snow removal on sidewalks adjacent to common areas only. Residents are responsible for snow removal on the sidewalks adjacent to their lots. 2. Suggest Stepford add gates to increase value and decrease criminal activity. I like the generic reference to "Studies"; gives it a LOT more credibilty. Question: Has Stepford ever considered gating the community. Adding a residents only Gate to Creek Bed and Humphalot, and a public gate to Stepford Drive and Assford Gulch would keep out potential vandals during the late night hours. Obviously the gate could be programmed to remain open during "Rush Hour Times" but the added overnight security might be worth the expense and Cheaper than Police Patrol. Studies Show that gating a community adds to Property Value and decreases crime rates. Enlightening Answer: To date, the known solved vandalism cases in the community have been committed by individuals on foot or on bicycles (including Stepford residents, in some cases). Seriously!! Stepford is a very long and dark 9 miles from downtown which translates to a whole lotta work for a petty criminal when he or she can just victimize the townies. Some days I'm just not sure how long I'll last in Stepford.