Monday, September 24, 2007

Pageant People

This week I have been invited to join the Mrs. Idaho Pageant & received valuable information on putting a giant wooden stork in my front yard to announce the pending birth of my yet to be conceived child...and that's just this week. On any given week we are invited to:
  • purchase organic dog treats
  • cover our windows
  • hire someone to kill our bugs
  • take up stamping (cards)
  • hire someone to pick up our dog crap
  • drink the KoolAid (sugar free)
  • sell our house (which we just purchased a year ago)
  • buy another house in the same neighborhood (huh?)
  • give money to lots of random charities
  • install a FREE security system for $80/month
  • join ya ya's yoga gym
  • get your child a bouncy castle
  • enroll your children in ballet school
  • become part of the Hidden Swings Home Schoolers

It's an interesting neighborhood into which we've moved. So many people trying to help you make good spending decisions. At least the window covering fliers stopped once I put the sheets up.

So now I guess there is nothing to do but begin thinking about my "finalist" dress, what I'll wear for the swimsuit competition, and how I'll answer the tricky questions those damn pageant people always ask.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Teach Your Children Well

Although my husband and I have chosen to remain childless (to the horror of my mother-in-law), his sister has been very accomodating in breeding two lovely children, both boys. My husband is thrilled that the universe has sent him two nephews and he is giddy at the idea of having a small child to teach to fish, fart, burp, swear and with whom to build a flame thrower. The following is a recent conversation I had with my husband over messenger. 

I say: is your avatar smitty fire bombing his backyard?  
he says: no, it's what harry and I are going to make when he is five. It's a pvc flamethrower  I say: great, make sure you point it toward the backyard  
he says:, how awesome is that? I mean come on a flame thrower!!!!  
I say: i can see you are busy.  
he says: I have had that link for a long time, like 2-3 weeks.  
I say: sweet, he's 3. barely  
he says: 2 more years, then we party  
I say: yes, that is a much more appropriate age, 5  
he says: but it leaves me 2 years to gather materials; we will start with the non violent spud gun, then move on to the more lethal multi chambered spud gun, then finally the big old flame thrower  
I say: well at least you've thought this out.